menda

 The ghosts and the demons of my own are conspiring against me  The ghosts are making the demons stronger and the demons allow the ghosts to haunt  ‘Think Of Me Once In A While, Take Care’ by Take Care  ‘<>’ by Lil Tadek  ‘Forever’ by Lil Bo Weep Winona Lisa Green, I miss u.  ‘CAN NOT FIGHT AWAY MY HELL’ by Lil Bo Weep  Can’t even describe how much those 2 meant for me and how many times I’ve been listening to them, while growing up and felling:  ‘Raw Version Freestyle’ by Lil Bo Weep Can’t even ‘Untitled’ by Lil Bo Weep  The demons were there but the ghosts were only adding  I was supposed to go to bed early tonight 

‘ Wake from your sleep The drying of your tears Today, we escape, we escape Pack and get dressed Before your father hears us Before all hell breaks loose Breathe, keep breathing Don't lose your nerve Breathe, keep breathing I can't do this alone Sing us a song A song to keep us warm There's such a chill, such a chill And you can laugh A spineless laugh We hope your rules and wisdom choke you Now we are one in everlasting peace We hope that you choke, that you choke We hope that you choke, that you choke We hope that you choke, that you choke’

 Miasto z którego nie potrafię odejść. Miasto w którym się duszę Miasto za którym tęsknię gdy mnie tam nie ma Miasto które jest tylko hologramem dawnych wydarzeń Miasto duchów. In my restless dreams  I see that town  Silent hill U promised me you’d take me there again someday But u never do And so I wait Wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness  Everyone changing, everyone evolving, everyone going down their own path, everyone finding their identity. Everyone leaving. I cried my eyes out going home after the meet up, I’ve felt it so many times before. People dear to me to whom I’m not dear to anymore. I feel as if I lived my life already. The nostalgia eating me up from the day I was born. Girls who have seen ME. They fking grew up with me. We were discovering who we were together. We saw each others every phase.  “I wish I was special But I’m a creep I’m a weirdo  What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.” I feel alone here, so I long all week...

 Today I had the most bizzare dream. A person I used to hold dear murdered me in some sort of mad trance. Sharp, broken glass stabbing me all over my body. Over and over again. I died but I never left. I was a wandering, sad ghost unable to leave. I could feel the sorrow after waking up but I could only realise why a few hours later.

  In my restless dreams, I see that town. Silent Hill. You promised me you'd take me there again someday. But you never did. Well, I'm alone there now... In our 'special place'... Waiting for you... Waiting for you to come to see me. But you never do. And so I wait, wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness. I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for. I wish I could change that, but I can't. I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here, waiting for you... But I'm afraid, James. I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home. Whenever you come see me, I can tell how hard it is on you... I don't know if you hate me or pity me... Or maybe I just disgust you... But I want you to know this, James. I'll always love you. Well, this letter has gone on too long, so I'll say goodbye. I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone. That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.  I can’t tell ...

So many things the soul can perceive, so many things that the mind can’t comprehend, so little things consciousness can express How is it that I feel so much and at that exact same time I can’t feel at all. As if I had this treasure that just keeps leaking from my hands when I try to keep it.  Weird dreams, the ghosts from the past keep haunting me as if they try to punish me for sins I didn’t commit on purpose.  Do I own myself  What am I  What part of me is really me and what will stay here and rot when I die  Please don’t haunt me anymore, I’m trying my best. Am I?  Am I enough?